Small steps, but in which direction?

I’ve read somewhere that ‘Some people are born great, some attain greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them’. But what about the mediocre people, the average Joe or Jane?

Another quote, ‘Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together’.

So, for the unlucky average Jane, to achieve greatness, you need to do a series of small things. But, what small things? In which direction? I think that is why a lot of people don’t reach greatness, because they don’t know in which direction to take their small steps. That they don’t have a goal or direction to work towards.

Why this rant, now, at this point of my life? Cos I’m directionless. Something that I’ve not had since I was seven.

When I was seven, my Grandma was hospitalized, I can’t remember for what. I remember missing her presence at home and wanting her to come home. She was ‘cured’ by a doctor with the same name as me, Mangalam. I still remember the moment when I learned that a doctor named Mangalam had cured her and wanting to become a doctor myself.

Since then, my one ambition in life had been to become a doctor. I achieved it, but in a different sense, a PhD doctor, not a medical doctor. A doctorate in medical research. Close enough I think.

In primary school, whenever my class teacher asked my life ambition, it was always doctor. I was even made to choose a few others, cos they needed to record 3 ambitions in the report card. I always stuck with ‘doctor’ as my first choice and had difficulty coming up with other choices.

In high school, I elected to do the science stream to achieve my dream. In year 11 and 12, it was biology, chemistry and physics so that I would become a doctor. However, I didn’t do very well in the year 12 exams. The Malaysian school system focused on the rote learning of facts, and I just couldn’t memorize enough facts to ace the exams. You studied to pass exams, not to understand the subject. You memorised things so that you can regurgitate it during the exam. 

I elected for computer science at uni as I was good with computers and I was not too bad in maths. I sort of resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to be doctor, cos I just couldn’t hold enough facts in my head.

However, I choose artificial intelligence as my major, with research in medical imaging. In my master’s I did research in medical imaging, after which I joined the university as a lecturer and continued research in medical imaging. Then I did a PhD in medical signal processing. The pull of a medical career was too strong. Small steps… in a direction.

But, what now? I’ve achieved my life dream, ambition. Where do I go from here?

I’m still contemplating on ways to find direction in life, on what the next small steps will be. I’ll dot down my ideas in Part Two of my post.